Kuroneko Book Club: [Review] Before I Fall

Title of Book: Before I Fall
Author: Lauren Oliver
Publisher: Hodder & Stoughton
Publication Year: July 2010
Language: English
Format: paperback
Pages: 344

They say ‘live every day as if it’s your last’—but you never actually think it's going to be. At least I didn't.

The thing is, you don’t get to know when it happens. You don’t remember to tell your family that you love them or—in my case—remember to say goodbye to them at all.

But what if, like me, you could live your last day over and over again? Could you make it perfect? If your whole life flashed before your eyes, would you have no regrets? Or are there some things you’d want to change...?

It took me a moment to grasp everything that’s happened in this book before I can move on with my life. I didn’t really know what this book is about except that somehow the main character keeps living her last day over and over again. I didn’t know that this book is actually about bullying and depression. Also, trigger warning for suicide.

Before I Fall is about Samantha Kingston, one of the popular girls in Thomas Jefferson high. She has three best friends who are also popular, namely Lindsay, Ally, and Elody. It’s Friday February 12th, which is also called as the cupid day. It’s the day where the students of Thomas Jefferson send roses to one another. Cupid day is a big deal for the students since it’s like a popularity contest. The more roses you get, the more popular you are. At the night of Cupid Day, there’s a party at someone’s house. As the popular group at school, of course Sam and her friends attend the party. On the way home from the party, accident happens and Sam dies. But then she wakes up to the alarm in her room. She thinks that somehow she survives the accident. As time goes by she realizes that it’s Friday the cupid day. After that, every time she goes to sleep or something happens to her at the end of the day she’ll wake up reliving Friday February 12th, her last day to live.

As a character, Sam is not someone who I can relate to. She’s not nice, selfish, and her priorities are all wrong. She’s a bully. However, as she keeps reliving her last day, she learns to discover herself. When Sam goes through her Friday for the second time, she’s confused and keeps repeating what she’s done the first time with a few changes. Then at the third time she learns that she should improve her actions, to prevent her death. This is going for a while until she realizes that she sees the whole thing in wrong way. Throughout the book, we follow Sam’s journey to become her true self.

Before I Fall is a book with profound message. It’s about self-redemption and how even the smallest things can affect your life. This book is a sad and I’d say a pretty depressing book. The pacing of this book is slow that some people might find it boring, not that it needs to be fast. I thought that I could read this book faster; but this book has gloomy atmosphere and depressing tone that I felt exhausted while reading it. There are a few heart-wrenching and teary moments that make me reflect on my own life. Overall I think this book tells a beautiful tale and I highly recommend this book.